Time for a better me! can i quit the CIGS?!?!?

India Arie sang "GET IT TOGETHER, YOU GOTTA HEAL YOUR BODY"...and thats what im hoping to do.
Homegirl's got some confidence, I love my family, friends, PC experience, hair, body, nails, LOVE IT ALL. I embrace my talents, writing, singing, and dancing....but one thing i HATE about myself is I am a smoker...and have been for about 5 years now...WOW.
So come monday morning, October 4th...i'm going cold turkey style and HOPE i live through it. Cold Turkey is the absolute only way this is gonna happen. Senior yr of college i was on that prescription medicine "Chantix" which believe since has been recalled...however i quit for 11 weeks...at the expense of my sanity, being a turbo bitch, and unbelievable nausea. One cig on a carride from Umass to boston...ur girl was back to a pack a day in 3 days.
Why I love cigs ( don't think I'm crazy)
1. I love smoke going in and out of my lungs..don't hate on that THATS REAL
2. I love a 5 minute break in my day whenever i want.
3. Love cigs with coffee ( and driving but thats not an issue here)
4. Love cigs after food.
wow, is that it? LAME & not worth it!
Why I Hate Cigs
1. THEYVE BEEN TAKING MY MONEY FROM ME FOR FIVE YEARS.
2. I can imagine how much easier my hikes thru the mountains to get to my schools would be without black ass lungs.
3.I feel like a hypocrite here as a peace corps volunteer teaching the importance of Health to children and having a  secret smokefest everyday in my house.
4. I have ZERO control over my addiction!

5. It disappoints my family and the majority of my friends.

6. There is a great pic of my parents and I from Shannon&Aaron'swedding that I RUINED with a cig in my hand. ( a more specific one, but u know...)

7. Smelling like cigs instead of Britney Spears Perfume.

Well there it is the old "pros and cons" list and cons wins. that's pretty simple.

 I'm hoping by making a public announcement about this it will really make me do it! But I'm terrified. People who don't smoke will never understand what a gigantic life-change quitting cigs is...and im scared of what my body is about to go thru.

I talked to the PC nurses in February and they gave me Anti Anxiety medication to quit cigs, they also give u terrible nightmares ...i still have them but that whole medication thing creeps me out. i've always been more of an herbalist.... and NOT like that...ish.

Now, this story isn't why i decided to make this decision but it certainly is an "incident" that could have been avoided without cigs in my life.. when i was home I went to church the last sunday I was there. I didn't smoke at all that morning cuz the last thing i wanted to do was go to church smelling like cigs. My church family is a huge part of my life and i had been waiting 8 months to see them. As i walked in I was greated with open arms by about 8 women hugging me and welcoming me back home. For some reason (maybe cigs maybe not) i couldnt clear my throat, and i went to hug one woman and she did that thing where they hug you and dont let u go and she didnt say welcome home, nice to see you..NOTHING. she said " you have to quit smoking." I was just shocked and my emotions flipped so fast i left church crying and my whole morning was ruined. no she shouldnt have said that, been in my business or whatever, but without cigs in my life it would have been a great morning of praise & worship and fellowship. awful, and im ASHAMED!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy7a7voOpHA

Here is the Erykah Badu Jam "that hump" that i will be looking to for strength and inspiration...altho it is clear she is talking about "dope"...it doesn't matter addiction is addiction.

MY FEARS ARE...

1. Weight gain

2. Going Crazy with idle time

3. Being a turbo bitch

4. having no one around me

5. headaches

6. irritability

Altho im looking forward to a more balanced budget and a healthy bod!

I hope when monday comes this isnt all talk and i have the strength to do this.....Phillipians 4:13!!!!